Magdalena's Journal

10:01pm: Hello. How nice to meet you!

Today was my average saturday. Ate breakfast with my family as always. Cleaned. Doing laundry. Im hoping to go see Kelly and Rich tomorrow. Im going to meet the famous Stevo. I cut my hair. Its shorter and I shaved the undercut. The purple is fading a little. I should be redying it in like a month. Im not sure which color yet. Paul and I are together. Another anniversary coming this wednesday. I have group that day. Group only makes me lonely. makes me think of liz. Her and I arent friends anymore. :\ Just proves me right that girls suck. Girls are just too complicated and hard to please.
I have been so hooked on orange juice and a few people have been talking about Ramen Noodles and i wish i had some of that. Im dieting again. Paul herbed Ubair. That asshole had it coming. He talked so much shit and he would never leave me alone. I wouldnt be surprised if he stalked me like he stalked Angelica. He kept IMing me from 30 dif screen names. Certain time i was nice to him cause he seemed sincere. But i can only remember not to trust these people who come into my life. Ubair didnt touch Paul back and im not sure why. I had to hold Paul back from running after him. He would have killed Ubair because he's just that crazy. I can only imagine who Ubair will try and bring after Paul. heh heh heh
I havent been updating much lately and I really dont know why. Homeschooling has been going well but last week was bad because i had the flu. But i am back on track now. I have to pee really badly. But i dont want to get up and put my ass on the cold toilet seat! :P
Jr is busy taking pics of himself and posting them in all the gay communities. My poor brother. Hes so lonely and i wish i could find him someone already but hes so scared. He slept with me last night which explains to back ache... i dont know why he just didnt sleep on the floor. He took up so much space.
Im slowly losing hope in all of people. Some people say I have changed and i know i have. For along time i kept in good spirits. I put all the bad behind me but no matter what bad things happen. I feel like i have become such a terrible person.
Enough of the drama. Brother John is over now. Im wondering when Paul will get home. We're getting an apt together. I cant wait! We took down our christmas stuff today finally!
i dont know what else to say
im bored and somewhat tired.
cant nap gotta wait for Paul
I dont feel like i can write openly in this journal anymore... Im going to make a new one.
anyone want to give me a code?

11:33pm: When hell is full,
the dead will walk the earth

6:33pm: Yesterday i was a PMSing psycho bitch
Had yet another weird dream
watching Dharma and greg
such a funny show
Just got back from the store
Veggin today just like every other day
Im going to be in the city for xmas eve
at my cousins for christmas day
CANT WAIT FOR THE FOOD
haha getting hungry again lol
Im losing weight again
Tyring to diet and excercise.... do my pilates
Periods suck ass
but no one really wants to know about that
My sister was mean to jenny
Feel bad... I hope she doesnt hate me
I wrapped the presents i bought and now i have no money
i was going to do my sisters laundry for money but she has a day off so that plan didnt work out
have nothing much to write
oh yeah and....

WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE?

7:04pm: stolen from erasethestars
FULL NAME: Rosanna Felice Medina
NICK NAMES: Rosy, Maggie, Gugu, poop, love
BIRTHDATE: NOv 10 1986
MAKING YOU: 16
HERITAGE: philipino and peruvian

Descirbe Your Hair---
Purple and shoulder length... its quite sexy

Describe Your Face---
EYES: brown
HOW'S YOUR VISION?: pretty damn good
NOSE: i like my nose... its not big and not too small... its nice
MOUTH: Mouth? the whole thing? including teeth? i like em... i have big lips which are pretty nice... tiny lips are gross
MAKE UP: I wear all dif kinds... sometimes its black eyeliner and red/brown lipstick... or other times its blue or purple or green eyshadow and gloss... i dunno always dif... i dont like looking the same all the time

Describe Your Body---
SKIN: hispanic/asian color... but pale... cuz i hate tans
FIGURE: skinny... filling out pretty nice.. im growing .... im not anorexic looking anymore... i look healthy.... Ducky says "skinny makes me worry" James says "Just more of you to love"
WEIGHT: 110 lbs
HEIGHT: 5' 1

3 Best Physical Features---
1) lips
2) breasts
3) eyes

3 Worst Physical Features---
1) feet
2) hands
3) scars

Any Body Quirks?---
the scars

3 Best Personality Features---
1) Im a nice person
2) I make people laugh
3) Im a great friend

3 Worst Personality Features---
1) Too nice
2) easily betrayed
3) when im angry i hurt people

3 Favortie Foods---
1) Mommas food
2) tallarines verde con carne (sp) {green spaghetti and steak (peruvian dish)}
3) Bacon egg and cheese

3 Least Favorite Foods--
1) chocolate
2) greasy foods
3) dairy

15 Things You Love---
1) Paul
2) Paul's body (including kisses and hugs and smell)
3) Pauls heart
4) Jenny tormentedsoul
5) My friends: Kellydarkeyedvamp, Richgpisceslow, ChinChin, Liz disposableheart, Rob, Niki! nikpn, Matt yourmentalfloss, and im sorry if i forgot you (memory skips a beat)
6) My brothers Junior and Brian....
7) My parents sometimes
8) My cousins esp. Cj lucifersangel and do-anne
9) serious talks
10) my dog reyna (bubby)
11)CATHY!!!smokybarchick and my codykins
12) mamang (grandmother)
13) Being sung to sleep by Paul or my mom
14) Feeling safe
15) making people laugh until they cry

15 Things You Don't Love---
1) when people bite down on their forks when they eat
2) posers
3) Catalina
4) liars
5) homophobics
6) people who try to bring me down
7) close minded people
8) hypocrites
9) people who i thought i loved but only turned out to be backstabbing whores
10) People who all of a sudden think they are so hardcore because they stopped wearing pink and shop at hot topic now and have no real sense of style
11) socks in bed
12) bad breath
13) being yelled at in the morning
14) a man or boy hitting me
15) being threatened

5 Places You've Been---
1) virginia
2) massachuesettes
3) pennsylvania
4) New jersey lol
5) florida


5 Things You Were 5 Years ago---
1) 11
2) beaten constantly
3) naive
4) backstreet boy fan
5) dating jaden

5 Things You Are Now---
1) 16
2) yelled at constantly
3) loved
4) wise
5) hungry

5 Things You Want 25 Years From Now---
1) married to Paul
2) be a successful actress
3) have a book published
4) have already hurt the people i hate (im big on revenge)
5)have a 2 kids with Paul

Random Stuff---
RIGHTY/LEFTY?: righty
CURSIVE/PRINT?: print
RELIGIOUS?: no and damn proud of it... cant stand christians and i dont care if i go to hell for that
FAVORITE COLOR?: bruised colors... PURPLE blue green black red
NUMBER?: 3
PLACE?: Pauls room... cemetary or my room
ANIMAL?: my bubby reyna
BEACH/MOUNTAINS?: mountains... i love snowboarding and skiing
TALENTS: i like to write but i dunno if im talented.. id like to be an actres because its the only thing im confident in
NUMBER OF GUYS KISSED: cant count
NUMBER OF GIRLS KISSED: whoa! too many
SHY/FRIENDLY?: pretty shy
PIERCINGS: just my ears
TATTOOS: soon...
CRUSH: hmmm do i have one? lol PAUL OF COURSE! but hes more than a crush
HOW MANY LANGUAGES?: tagalog, english and a little spanish

11:04pm: My life has been very good lately
Except for my parents hatred for Paul
I love him so much
After almost 2 yrs im just so in love with him
Nothing can explain my happiness right now
Everything has been so perfect between him and I
Im so happy!
We hung out last night and waited like an hour for trees
but it was damn well worth it
Did my xmas shopping
Got cool gifts
christian is having problems with ali
Kelly met a very COO guy
and i wanna fuck up dustin for hurting Rich
Paul and i had the most wonderful day yesterday
we were together from when i woke up until like midnight
We got to sleep and play and stuff
Hes so wonderful
Spoke to liz today.... shes doing okay i guess
A lil bad over mike.... i wanna kill him too
Im a violent rotten little person heh
Mamang, my grandmother sent us a card
I miss her so much
She raised me and i love her so much
Shes turning 80 and im so scared that she might die before i get to see her
But enough of the sad stuff
I got my presents from Paul again
and might i say i am damn sexy!
haha i have realized that i changed so much
and if YOU dont like it kiss my ass
Julio and luis called me today
Im not sure why. i thought they didnt like me
They said they wanted to hang out but im grounded and i dont think i trust them too much
they are always looking to fuck someone up for fun
blah
tired going top watch Mad TV

8:03pm: Angelica tried talking to my brothers again
lol.... doesnt she know they hate her....
shes trying to be sneaky again
Just like she did last time
She thought they liked her
pfft......

7:40pm:
What Kind of Virgin Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

11:04am: Its snowing and Paul is coming over. Hopefully we can play in the snow together. hehe. we do stupid stuff like that. I smell like my mother right now. I dyed my hair again. I dont know if i said thatin this journal yet. I havent been updating lately only in my uj. Julio called last night to tell me that he heard a rumor and thought i was spreading it. People are sayingthat i slept with Julio. Julio is the guy who gave me coke.
Paul and i were fighting and he said that people we telling him i had sex with julio. I told Kelly and she said she would ask Kate (julio's gf) and the next day paul tells me he made the whole thing up. So Kelly told Kate and kate said she would ask Julio. So julio calls me and asks if i heard the rumor and i told him that Paul told me that... but he said he made it up. But julio said some random guy asked him off the street.
ugh dont know
sick of rumors

10:46am:
What is your mystical ability?
brought to you by Quizilla

10:16am: disposableheart is going to hate this

Which kick ass female celebrity are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

10:57am: im hurting
someone save me
im in so much pain
he hurts me so bad
and i miss him so much

10:55am: That day i said i had a weird feeling
some guy pulled a gun out on paul
he could have died
and i knew this was going to happen
scary

4:02pm: Paul read what I wrote.
He was a little upset
I do and dont care about peoples reaction to what i wrote last night
i know half the people on my friends list didnt bother to read it.
But thats okay because i know... i know its stupid to write stuff like that
But whats done is done
Im not going to change anything i wrote last night
That how i felt and thats what was going through my head
please dont mistake that for a cry for help
im not looking for help... im looking for myself

2:09am: naked
I've been hospitalized twice since I was 14. I'm now turning 16 and I'm on a few different medications. I've been dealing with depression for as long as I could remember. I was the perfect daughter with straight 100's and A+'s and I did everything to please them so they wouldn't see the real me. I was beaten when I was a child and for reasons I could never remember. I've been abused by more than just my father and mother. I can be stupid and I can be smart. But sometimes it just gets too hard. No one understands what my problem really is. Some people thinks I'm so fucked up and others think that I'm just normal. Everyone wants different things from me... wants me to be someone I'm not... someone who they could enjoy being with. I make you miss me and I make you hurt. I make you feel shitty and I make sure you feel like dirt. Please don't hurt me because its the worse kind of pain. Please just hurt me cause I've been bad again. I'm not sure what my goal in writing this is but maybe I want you to have a peek of me. Maybe I want to tease you... maybe I want you to want some more. I don't know what I want and I don't really know who I am... because I try so hard to be something for others to like.... but I hurt people and I enjoy it and if you don't like it then don't talk to me... but here come the honesty. I'm telling you the truth whether you like it or not. I've grown up in a world where it was okay for people to hurt me. Why do I have to be the one hurting? Why cant you cry? Why do people hurt me? Why do people even care if they hurt me? I'm tired of myself. I'm sick and tired of being me when no one else is around... but when I'm alone, who am I really? Do I even know? Why should I love myself? because I'm created in GOD's image? Did GOD feel like this...? Did GOD see those things and hear those things? Does GOD go insane? Was GOD in a hospital? None of you have to read this because its not that interesting. I try too hard to find something to make me happy soon it wont be just marijuana that will make my day... soon the razor will go soft... soon the beer and the rum and tequila will flush away. "When will she crack again?" everyone wonders. Screw you! Fuck you! Don't touch me. I hate when you touch me... and don't smile because you have what I don't... something to smile about. So I'm not positive... so what if I cant see it the way you do. I have problems and its hard to come to terms with the fact that I had a fucking dick in my mouth at age 11! yeah I'm a whore! I'm a fucked up whore right! It wasn't my decision. People don't know how hard it was for me. It wasn't my fault. I never wanted to touch him there... I was raped! Raped of my innocence and my childhood and no one is here to pick up the pieces... sweep me away... sweep me under a rug... don't let the guests see me. I'm nothing to you and everything to a doctor... I'm a paycheck... a big fat paycheck... waiting for your pay in hell. The devil signs your checks while you sit and tell me I'm bad and I cant do this and I cant do that. Well screw you again. I hate you... I think I love and I want to love but sometimes I'm not sure I should love anyone. Maybe this is too long and no one will read this... maybe they will skim through and say... "Well fuck her then!" Well fuck you too! If you hate me... GOOD! now you understand why I shouldn't love myself. Love is sold in a greasy paper bag. I love Paul or maybe I don't... did I give him a greasy paper bag? Did he wear it over his head and hide his face? Did he blind himself and not see me?... and not see me for the person I really am. But I could never show someone who I am. I don't give them a chance to run. People shouldn't talk to me. I'm the kind of person I would hate to know. "Oh, right rosy is so great... rosy is so sweet." No, I'm not. I don't care about anyone but myself. HATE ME. HATE ME. HATE ME. When I was younger I always wondered why my uncles hands would wander. I wasn't scared but I was uncomfortable. Oh, what handsome man he was, not a blood related uncle... a cousin's husband... I fear for his daughter. He threw me in the air and he caught me. I want that again to be caught when I fall. You promised me a rose garden! Yes you did! but you forgot the thorns. I've fallen in the thorns. I'm scarred and I'm bleeding. Ohhh sweet release! Do you even want to know what's in my head? What lives and what dies... what swims and what grows. "Rosanna... come play with me?" I'm tired of you. It's always the same. I'd be surprised if you stayed after reading this. Erase me from your life and it will be easier for me to leave. I want to be dunked into your holy water and watch it sizzle... scar me. Rosanna is another word for Demon. I'm being honest and not at all caring but soon this will be done and I cant stop crying. But why?! Why did you touch me? and why did I touch you? Why do I cry and promise you love? Why are you the only one who will see the beauty in me? I remember your words... I drank them and pissed them out. I'm a rotten little girl. Someone should beat me... again.... again... I want to feel the burn. I want to see the red. This is the only way to learn... the way I was taught.... the way I was brought up. Maybe none of this should make me cry... maybe I am a little too sensitive. I'm making this public because I don't care who knows. I want the whole world to know. Rosanna has stripped herself raw... no flesh... bleeding before you. I want you to see.... that I am smart and I know what I'm doing. I'm not the dumb little girl in love that you all think I am.......but now its gone. Please love me again... because I'm hurting... because the past just slapped me in the face and put me in my place. Rosanna is another word for mistake. I was never meant to be on this earth so why am I still here? "It's a girl! 8:46 am Monday November 10 1986! Mrs Medina you have a beautiful baby girl!" But why didn't I just wrap the cord around my neck then... they didn't want me. Just the first mistake. I am that little girl you see. I will always hurt. I will only hurt you if you let me. Everyone has beaten me down and watched me lay there and cry... so why should I be nice? Why am I still so scared to make someone else feel my pain? But I want you to hurt because I want everyone to be like me. I want you all to cry. I want you to live in a dream world... nothing is cotton candy and fairies and its taken me a while to see that. I'm not blind anymore... but I want to be myself... whoever that is. I don't want to cry no more... I don't want to be sad. I don't want this borderline personality disorder and I don't want you to diagnose me and feed me nasty candies that will fix me. I lie to you. I act in front of you. Welcome To The Rosanna Show! I can be whoever you want me to be.... just let me try. Just swim in my eyes and fly through my soul. See what I have seen and feel what I have felt. Maybe you will understand. But why should you? I'm worthless and I'm just a lost cause. I'm not who you think I am and I love who I'm not. I've cried that last tear tonight and I've wailed that last wail... This was me Rosanna Felice Medina standing half naked before you. Find the door and walk out if you please. But this is me and I'm not easy to love. I know this because not even I, someone who has to live with me, love myself. I'm stuck with me for life. And all the medication in the world can't fix that.

12:25am: PLEASE EVERYONE PLEASE DO THIS AND SEND IT TO ME VIA COMMENT
01. who are you, what's our relationship:
02. how and where did we meet:
03. what's my middle name:
04. how long have you known me:
05. how well do you think you know me:
06. tell me one good thing about myself:
07. do i believe in God:
08. when you first saw me what was your impression:
09. my age:
10. birthday:
11. my favorite band at the moment:
12. colour eyes:
13. do i have any siblings:
14. have you ever had a crush on me:
15. what's one of my favorite things to do:
16. do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
17. anything super special about me:
18. would you consider me a friend:
19. describe me in 3 words or less:
20. if there were one good nickname for me what would it be:
21. name 5 things i love:
22. do you think i'm good looking:
23. how would you describe me to someone:
24. have we kissed:
25. would you ever date me:
26. tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:

come on it wont take long
if you love please fill it out
and if u know me
just fill it out
PLEASE!

12:23am: time for a survey stolen from randomxhero
Name: Magdalena
Name Backwards: aneladgam
Does your name mean anything? i dont know
Were you named after anyone? its my wiccan name i got it from the APC song
Nick Name(s): rosy, maggie, poop, baby, gugu
Screen Name(s):acidface, desolateparasite
Date Of Birth: nov 10
Place of Birth: jersey city (only for the hospital)
Current Location: jackson heights queen ny
Sign: scorpio
Religion: wiccan if anything
Height: 5 even
Shoe Size: 6
Hair color: its black and purple and blonde but im cutting it short and dying it bright red
Eye color: brown
What do you look like? some people say i looke like a younger angelina jolie... but i dont know about that... shes too beautiful
Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous? righty
Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other: bi (so what! im greedy!)

Who Is Your...
Best friend(s): Paul, and although she doesnt know it... Jenny
Best friend you trust more than anyone: Paul
Best friends {your sex}: Jenny, Kelly, Cj
Boyfriend / Girlfriend: Paul
Crush: none
Parent(s): Theresa and Phil or "Be and daddy"
Worst Enemy: ooh that list is too long
Favorite on-line Guy(s): Matt yourmentalfloss
Favorite on-line Girl(s): carnivalnights irnbruise dreamangel
Funniest friend(s):Robert, Paul
Craziest friend(s): Robert, Paul
Loudest friend (s): Robert, Paul

Do You Have...

Any sisters: yes 4 of them
Any brothers: 2 of them
Any pets: my bootyful doggy reyna (neyna banayna)
A Disease: dont know if a personality disorder is considered a disease
A Pager:used too
A Personal phone number: no just a cell phone
A leather jacket with studs on it?: no i cant say that i do
A heroin needle: GOOD GOD NO!
A Pool or hot tub: we have apool in my backyard
A Car: not my own

Describe Your...

Personality: im different with everyone i meet... so no one really knows who i am
Driving: iw ould be a very crazy driver... no music! no talking! nothing to take my attention of driving! i would be a very nervous driver with terrible road rage
Car or one you want: i want a car! nothing special... but when i get older i want a regular black 4 door car
Room: its dark purple and my ceiling has got glitter... i have a small twin sized futon black bed... i have to black dresser and lots of little knick knacks, cds a pics around.
Shoes: i have a pair of black chucks, black cmapus adidas, knee high side zipper boots, black combat boots, and then my big black combat boots... i also have cross training sneakers for when i go running... thats more than enough info about my shoes... but i do have more.
School: Being home schooled
Bed: black futon bed thing that u can make into a couch... the ends of the bed bend up into arm rests.
Relationship with your parent(s): pretty good
Believe in yourself: Sometimes i dont know
Do you believe in love at first sight? nope... i dont think u see the soul that fast
Consider yourself a good listener:im a very good listener or so im told
Consider yourself a good friend: i hope so.... i dunno you tell me.
Get Along with your parents: yeah most of the time
Save your e-mail conversations: no... no point
Pray: yes but not to god or satan
Believe in reincarnation: yes i do
Like to make fun of people: i like being myself and being able to make people laugh
Like to talk on the phone: depends on the person

Do you...

Like to drive: when i get used to it i will
Get motion sickness: nope
Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: no i eat it with my mouth
Dream in color: yes
Type with your fingers on home row: no i dont think so
Sleep with a stuffed animal: i sleep with the devils teddy that my ducky bought for me

What Is/Are/Was...
Right next to you: a red chair
On the walls of your room: a drawing cody made... candiria thing and a fortun cookie fortune that says 'With patience comes joy'
On your mouse pad: a mouse
Your dream car: dont have one
Your dream date: spend all night together talking and roaming the streets of city
Your dream honeymoon spot: probable off to an island where we can either stay in bed or go clubbing
Your dream husband/wife: Paul
Your bedtime: when the cogentin kicks in
Under your bed: my DBT binders... my Remy box and a bag of letters Paul has written to me
The single most important question: You do like girls dont you?
Your bad time of the day: in bed alone at night
Your worst fear(s):Paul dying
The time? 11:19pm
The date? oct 21 2002
The best trick you ever played on someone: im not the trick playing type.
The weirdest food or drink that you like: weirdest food would have to be a cow blood stew i think
The hardest thing about growing up: knowing u cant go back to when u had no problems
Your funniest experience:im a dork alot of funny stuff happens to me
Your scariest moment: I threw up in Pauls house one morning because i was so scared that his mom would find me sleeping over his house
The silliest thing you've said: Mom wheres the ox tail come from?.... i say alot of blonde things because im just stoopit like that
The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? I walked by Paul and turned back to look at him like 4 times
The craziest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s):i dunno... we're all crazy and really desperate for a laugh... but the most recent has to be friday with Rich, jazmin, and robert!
The worst feeling in the world: feeling like you cant control a situation.. esp a situation that makes u sad.
The best feeling in the world: The feeling that Paul gives...he makes me complete

FAVORITES

Number: 3
Color: bruised colors
Day:dont have one
Month: March
Song: too many songs
Movie: too many... but i guess the 2 main ones are girl, interrupted and The crow
Food:anything my mommy makes
Band: ETC, PTW, donnybrook, 36DF, TTD, the locust, candiria, neurobox, APC, Tool, otep, burnt by the sun, everytime i die... alot!
Season: spring
Sport: hockey i guess
Class: writing
Teacher: Mr. Rosenblatt
Drink:green tea
Veggie: celery
TV Show: jackass
Radio Station: 89.5 but it kinda got gay
Store: dont have one
Animal: ducks and penguins and of course my pittiest doggy reyna!
Flower: roses
State: NY! of course

THIS OR THAT

Me/You: you
Coke/pepsi: coke
Day/night: night
Aol/aim: aim
Cd/casette: cd
DVD/VHS: dvd
Jeans/khakis:jeans
Car/truck:car
Tall/short: tall
Lunch/dinner: dinner
NSYNC/BSB: nsync!
Britney/Christina: Christina
Gap/Old Navy: uhhh gap
Lipstick/Lip gloss: lip gloss
Silver/Gold: silver
Alcohol/Weed: aww both


LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP

Do you have a bf/gf?: hes more than a bf
Do you have a crush?:no
How long have you liked him/her?: i liked him the first time i saw him... me and this girl i knew were smoking a cigarette and made fun of his moms car.
Why do you like this person?: hes perfect for me... he mkaes me beautiful and brave and he brings out the real me and not the person i show to everyone
If you're single... why are you single?:
If you're not single... give details...: about what?
How long was your longest relationship?: on and off for 3 yrs and with this girl for a a long ass time... together when we saw eachother for 7 yrs.
How long was your shortest relationship?: a week
Who was your first love?: Paul
What do you miss about them?: feeling him hold me

THE PAST
What is the one thing you would change about your past?: ever sticking with angelica and leaving jenny
What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: being used by a man for too long
Last thing you heard: the dryer rumbling
Last thing you saw:the pooter screen
Last thing you said: Ha! maybe i can have it! (my sisters shirt shrunk)
Who is the last person you saw?: my sister
Who is the last person you kissed? My dad
Who is the last person you hugged?:Paul
Who is the last person you fought with?: Paul
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: Paul
What is the last TV show you saw? queer as folk... i love that show

THE PRESENT

What are you wearing?:pajama pnats and a TOOL shirt
What are you doing?: reading journals, DLing funny CKY shit
Who are you talking to?: Lindsay
What song are you listening to?: the theme to CKY3
Where are you?: i n my basement
Who are you with?: by myself... my sister is sleeping in her room
How are you feeling?: proud! i skilled a blunt today
Are you in a chatroom?: no


FUTURE
What day is it tomorrow?: tuesday
What are you going to do after this?: drinking coffee and then im going to mix THAT with my meds and see what will win... the caffeine or the meds
Who are you going to talk to?:Picking up Paul from school
Where are you going to go?:back home to hang out for a while or try and kill time some where.
How old will you be when you graduate?: most likely 18
What do you wanna be?:a writer
What is one of your dreams?:Paul and I getting married and having 2 kids a boy and a girl...
Where will you be in 25 years?: hopefully not in an AA meeting lol

HAVE YOU EVER

Drank?: of course
Smoked?: all the time
Had sex?: I've been with my bf whom i love for over a yr and half... waht do u think?!
Stolen?: yes i used to alot... and i was pretty good at it
Done anything illegal?: yes
Wanted to die?: who doesnt feel like that sometimes
Hit someone?: yes im a very violent person ::grins::


OTHER

Do you write in cursive or print?: print
What piercings do you have? just my ears but im getting my industrial done
Do you drive?: soon
Do you have glasses or braces?:nope
Did you like this survey?: its ok

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

What do you most like about your body?: my lips
And least?: my butt... i dont have big hips but i've got a plump booty!
How many fillings do you have?: i dont do flings
Do you think you're good looking?: sometimes
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: people tell me im beautiful but id otn have to believe them
Do you look like any celebrities?: they say a mix between dark angel and angelina jolie... i dont see it

FASHION

Do you wear a watch?: sometimes... my aut gave me anice one
How many coats and jackets do you own?: i dont know
favorite pants/skirt color?:i dont have fav clothes
Most expensive item of clothing?:i have no idea
Most treasured?: i dont think i have one
What kind of shoes do you wear?: theres a list somewhere in this quiz
Describe your style in one word: okay (i wear what i feel pretty and comfortable in)
What does your name mean?: this was already asked!
How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?): im very mature... alot more mature than half the people my age.... im only 15! i know ppl older than me that i feel older than
Describe yourself in 5 words: i dont think i can <--- 5
What are your worst qualities: im not a positive person
What are your best qualities: im a nice person
How long does it take you get ready in the mornings:probably an hour

11:06am: kisses only for my ducky

9:22am: Happy 1 yr and 8 month anniversary to me!
today is my anniversary
oh happy day
Im going to go pick up Paul from school
We're going to hang out a bit
then hes got to go to the doctor
after his appt he's going to come back to my house
We're so happy....
Lately everything has been so perfect between us
the only fight we get into is the whole 'not calling' thing
Making him a deftones cd with all his fav deftones song
then im going to make him a copy of my burnt by the sun and my ptw.
I miss him already....
I need coffee and a cigarette
Hopes mi mama gives me dinero
just ate one of those toaster scramblers
I think im going to eat a hot pocket hehe
my stummy is growling
::stummy growls:: "Gimme food!"
k i need to tend to my lil pudge.
-Acid

9:10pm: lol

What kind of Drug Addict are you?

8:01pm: I miss Kelly
:(

9:49pm: ~eminem doesnt like nsync
but i do
so fuck him
and the backstreet boys too!~ the dirty dozen

Still wondering how she is doing
I called and no one answered
Im getting kinda scared that maybe something happened
Im hoping she reads this
when you do.. please call me it doesnt matter what time
I wanna know if anything happened
Try eating bread... u need something in your stomache
5 lbs is alot to lose in 2 days
feel better and please call me!

7:26pm: Today was a pretty good day
Jr came home last night
well actually he was dragged back home in chains!
Jenny came over today
It was good to have someone other than Paul to be lazy with
All the movies were pretty trippy
Having some problems with Rich
Feel like calling Kelly... debating whether or not i should.
Paul was over earlier and so was Angelo
Bored now... im fighting sleep right now
I dont want to sleep now cuz then i wont be able to sleep all night... Paul saw Korn last night and he bought a shirt from there.
Going to hang out with my ducky tomorrow
TTD is going to be playing at castle heights
dunno if i'll go
My appt with the CSE is either on the 15th or the 17th
Spoke to Norma yesterday then i went out
I was pretty much everywhere yesterday
Dad owes me 10 bucks... have to go to the cd store
buy some new cds... cant find songs on just kazaa alone...
plus its cheap at generation records
think i might hang out with chin chin tonight
But i gotta call him
Paul got a little upset when i was talking about him today
drinking pepsi one
this shit tastes so nasty.. my sister just got home so im going to see if i can bother her somehow
peace love and soul!!! train!

1:59pm: lol... perfect song to all of the people i let go. 'cept Kelly
No One I Call Friend

All of them are losers!
All of them are fake!
All of them are demons!
All of them just take!
All of them are two-faced!
All of them just speak!
So wrapped up in their own lies they don't see themselves so
weak!
NO ONE I CALL FRIEND!
You are not my friend!
All of them are pathetic!
All of them are shit!
All of them aren't worthy!
They're not worth my spit!
All of you are victims!
All of them are thieves!
Consume, devour and fuck themselves just like a piece of meat!
NO ONE I CALL FRIEND!
You are not my friend!
You're all fucking losers!
Left you all behind.
I took some time to realize, you are not my kind.
All of you are gluttons!
All of you are mutts!
Flap around in your own BILE, you fat, fucking sluts!
NO ONE I CALL FRIEND!
You are not my friend!
You are not my friend!

10:42pm: I wrote this today... its shit i know... just thought i'd share
All i can say is danced upon your brain
your drunk easr have drank too much and heard too little
razor blade mind
sawed apart
bled on birth
dead on earth
walk amongst the lies and death
a valley of darkness
and eye full a poison
love and remorse
peeling off the scabs of truth
scratching your tattooed mind
figure it out on a bed of roses
breathe through your thorns
and scrape away the noise



**dont be a stranger.... i like brutal criticism... comments

1:16am: OMG
somebody read this girl's journal
How could someone stand reading this shit!
and how does one teach themselves to speak and type like this all the god damned time!